


Hair Today - GEN Version

by Tarlan



Category: The Magnificent Seven (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Magnificent Seven AU: ATF
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-06-02
Updated: 2003-06-02
Packaged: 2017-10-20 01:31:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/207365
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Buck buys Vin a Flowbee as a trick gift for Christmas... and mayhem ensues.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Hair Today - GEN Version

Chris watched as Vin took the brightly covered box suspiciously, knowing that Buck was up to something by the grin he was failing to conceal behind his hand and that damn mustache. Vin must have had his own suspicions as he had torn into all the other presents with boyish abandon, gaudy paper flying in all directions, but this one he handled carefully, as if it demanded the steadiness of a bomb disposal expert. It did occur to Chris that Buck had been a demolition expert in the SEALs, and though he knew Vin could be in no danger, Chris knew it could quite easily be a bomb of some description.

 _Nah,_ he thought. Buck had pulled that stunt on him last year, surprising him with a shower of tinsel, tissue paper and talcum powder that rained down on all of them. He recalled finding a fine coating of talcum over his room for months following.

Nevertheless, Vin took a long time peeling back the riot of colour that passed as Christmas wrap to reveal the suspect object beneath. Chris frowned as he read the label on the box over Vin's shoulder, his eyebrows rising in horror when he saw the accompanying picture of a small boy who looked like he was being sucked up yellow headpiece attached to a vacuum cleaner wielded by the boy's own mother.

"A Flowbee?"

Buck roared with laughter as the others moved in to see what the joke was all about. To a man, they all fell about laughing, with Nathan reaching over to ruffle Vin's long, curly hair in mock affection.

"Figured it about time you had them locks shorn, Junior, and if you won't go to a barbers then... well, hey, maybe ol' Chris here can give you the Flowbee cut."

Vin grabbed a handful of his precious hair like a mother grabs a frightened child.

"Ain't nobody going near me with that thing," and then he began to chuckle, joining in the laughter. A few minutes later the joke gift had been placed aside while the remaining presents were opened, and then the Flowbee was forgotten.

It was Josiah who spotted it in the corner of the Chris's room on New Year's day, casually asking if he might borrow the Flowbee. Vin had no objections, telling Josiah to keep it as he couldn't think of any use he'd have for it, and so the Flowbee began its circle of life.

****

"You... had a haircut?" Chris looked at Josiah askance as he arrived almost an hour late for work.

Josiah raked his hand over his extremely short hair self-consciously as he sat down behind his desk. He'd spent an hour last night desperately trying to undo the damage he caused with the Flowbee. It had become obvious to him pretty fast that -- despite the simplicity indicated by the pictures on the box -- the Flowbee needed a little more flexibility than he alone could manage. He'd started on the top and front with ease, but the harder to reach areas at the back soon became ragged, and then he'd made the mistake of using ever-smaller spacers trying to level out the uneven cuts.

An emergency appointment at his barber's this morning had been his only recourse. Hiding his viciously chopped hair beneath the terrible Tibetan-style hat that JD had bought him that Christmas -- one he had accepted with grace but with no intention of ever wearing -- Josiah had prayed that he would find salvation in the hands of his barber.

 _Partial salvation's better than no salvation_ , he thought, and then he gave his most confident grin, hoping to convince everyone that the close-crop had been intentional. They all spared him a few strange looks but then shrugged it off as another one of those 'Josiah things', expecting it was part of some new philosophy Josiah had dug up from somewhere.

By the end of the week, no one even paid heed to his haircut anymore, let alone mentioned it, especially as it was already starting to grow out, so Josiah breathed a sigh of relief and got on with his life. The Flowbee forgotten once more as the weeks past.

****

"Mr. Tanner?" Ezra approached and sat on the corner of Vin's desk. "I find myself dispossessed of a coiffeur at a most inopportune moment."

Vin eyed Ezra suspiciously. "Made a fresh pot not more than an hour ago, Ez."

Ezra looked blank for a moment and then his eyes widened. He grinned, gold tooth sparkling as it caught the light bleeding in through the expanse of window.

"Not coffee, Mr. Tanner. A Coiffeur. A hairdresser."

Vin looked up at the mid-brown, expensively cut hair adorning the team's immaculately dressed undercover agent.

"Hell, Ez, you sure you want me near you hair with scissors?"

"Not you, Mr. Tanner, but I recall a certain contraption purchased by Mr. Wilmington last Christmas--"

"The Flowbee?"

"Hmm... Delightful name. Yes. The... Flowbee."

"Gave it to Josiah."

"Then my business is with Mr. Sanchez. Good day, Mr. Tanner."

Vin frowned as Ezra walked away to speak with Josiah. Movement beside him startled Vin and he looked up into his best friend's concerned face.

"Problem, Vin?"

"Nope. Just Ezra asking to borrow that Flowbee Buck gave me as a joke last Christmas."

"What the hell does he want that for?"

"Something about a possessed coffin or something. Hell, who knows with Ezra."

The following morning he phoned Chris and demanded a week's vacation effective immediately and no amount of concerned words or veiled threats would elicit a reason for the sudden request. Chris gave in, having no reason to say 'no' as they were between cases for a change, with a light workload.

Chris put down the phone and sighed in exasperation. He could hear the strain in Ezra's voice that told him something was wrong, but Ezra had insisted he had personal reasons for wanting to take a leave of absence. Nevertheless, Chris wanted to be certain there was no other more sinister reason for this sudden demand for leave.

"Josiah! You're in charge till I get back. Vin, you're with me."

"What's going on, Pard?" Vin asked as they walked swiftly towards the elevator, grabbing their coats along the way. Chris remained silent until they reached the parking garage, and then he explained quickly.

"Want to check on Ezra. He asked for a week's leave all of a sudden, but he sounded... strange."

The icy chill of the wintry air cut through them as they made their way across the underground garage to where Chris's Ram waited. Vin didn't even bother to offer taking his jeep instead, just in case Chris was in one of those mean, contrary moods and said 'yes'. He'd damn near froze his butt off on the way over here that morning, and he didn't fancy freezing it all over again... least not until he had to. The heated cabin in Chris's truck beckoned to him and he clambered into the passenger side and closed the door, breathing on his cold fingers.

Within twenty minutes they were pulling up outside the fancy townhouse where Ezra lived. Vin kept well back and to one side of the door, out of sight, covering Chris's back as Chris rang the doorbell. Chris looked up to where he knew the small security camera was located.

 _What do you want, Mr. Larabee?_ came a sharp voice through the security system's audio pickup.

Chris raised both eyebrows, noticing that Vin's expression showed surprise too. It was not like Ezra to be so inhospitable.

"Ezra? Need a word before you take your leave."

There came a despairing sigh, and then the sharp sound of the lock clicking open. Chris pushed open the door and entered the house, moving cautiously down the short corridor to the main reception room. Vin followed several feet behind, and Chris heard him closing the door firmly behind him to limit the exposure on their backs.

There was no sign of Ezra when Chris reached the expensively furnished reception room. He indicated for Vin to go left while he took several steps towards the center of the room, spinning slightly at the sound of slippered feet coming from one of the rooms radiating off from this one. Chris breathed a sigh of relief when he realized it was only Ezra. He raised another eyebrow as he took in Ezra's garb, and in particular, the towel wrapped around Ezra's head.

"We get you out of the shower?"

Ezra gave a tight smile that bordered on embarrassment, and then ignored Chris's question.

"You wished to have a word with me, Mr. Larabee. Might I suggest you have your word and then leave. I have packing to do if I am to make the flight. Mother is waiting."

Chris looked across the room at Vin and saw the same thought chase across his best friend's face. Maude Standish was enough to unsettle *any* man, and more so her son who knew her -- and her tricks -- only too well.

****

They made a little small talk and Ezra's face softened as he realized why his two associates -- his friends -- had come. It had been a long time since anyone actually cared about him rather than just take his words at face value. Once he had assured them that all was fine, he followed them to the door and gave them a far more genteel goodbye.

Ezra went to the master bedroom overlooking the street and peered through the slit of the curtains as the two men quickly got into Chris's truck. A plume of blue-white mist lifted from the exhaust as the heat generated by the engine hit the frosty air, and then the Ram moved off, making its way down the snow-covered street before disappearing around the corner.

Ezra gave a heartfelt sigh and turned away from the window. He moved over to the vanity mirror atop the dresser and slowly unwound the towel. Pain filled the green eyes reflecting back at him as they raised to the cataclysmic disaster sitting atop his head. His immaculate appearance had been destroyed, his hair a complete mess of uneven cuts. His lips trembled with sorrow that swiftly turned to anger as he kicked out at the bright yellow Flowbee attached to his vacuum cleaner.

Moving swiftly, Ezra dressed and finished packing the last few items into his oversize cases. He dragged the cases downstairs and then phoned for a cab to take him to the airport. Mother was in St. Tropez with her latest rich beau, and she would have access to the best hairdresser in those parts.

As the cab pulled up outside, Ezra took one last swift look around to ensure he had locked up securely. He reached for a tasteless orange, yellow and blue striped woolen beanie hat, a gift from JD at Christmas that he'd not got around to throwing away, and pulled it firmly over his destroyed locks of hair. Within minutes he was on the way to the airport, knowing salvation might be found in the South of France.

The Flowbee was quickly forgotten once more as the weeks past.

****

Inez's bar was almost empty but then most of the normal clientèle would be under the thumb of their loved ones tonight as this was Valentine's Day. Of Chris, Vin, Josiah and Ezra, none had a significant other to share the evening with, although Mary Travis had dropped several heavy hints that she would welcome Chris's advances. Chris sighed into his beer. It was not that he didn't like her, but he felt no amorous inclinations towards her.

As to Vin, Josiah and Ezra's love life, these men seemed to either draw the wrong sort of woman, or none at all.

Chris lifted his eyes covertly to appraise first Josiah and then Ezra. Finally he looked at his best friend, Vin, seeing the chiseled, square jaw and sparkling blue eyes through his own drunken gaze. For a man he was good looking, perhaps even beautiful in a handsome sort of way.

 _Beautiful?_ he thought in shock, 'Maybe I should have taken up Mary's hints if I'm starting to find even Vin attractive.' He eyed his beer suspiciously. _That or I need to call it quits on the alcohol._

He glanced across at Josiah and Ezra. The buzz cut hair both men sported for a time had started to grow out but he could still not figure out what madness had overtaken them to cut their hair so short in the first place, especially in the winter months. He shook his head and thought of their missing comrades.

"I guess Buck had a date -- or two -- tonight," he grinned, thinking of the pretty brunette twins that had caught Buck's roving eye only a few days earlier. Despite all their jokes, Chris had to admit that Buck had some sort of animal magnetism that drew the ladies to him but he felt no envy. Chris had his fair share of admirers but little interest in any of them. All paled into insignificance when compared to the beautiful wife he had loved and lost.

"Nathan's taking Rain to a charity dinner-dance... raising funds for the children's ward." Josiah's deep voice seemed even lower as he stared down at his almost empty shot glass.

"Yeah... And JD's taking Casey to that fancy new restaurant uptown... Mario's," added Vin.

Chris nodded, recalling JD's frantic request for Ezra to speak to the Maitre De and get him a table after he'd made a rash promise to Casey that they would dine there on Valentine's Day -- and then forgot to book it.

"Guess you got them a table then, Ezra."

"I do have my connections--"

"But not a date," came Vin's gravel-soft voice.

"Alas, no, Mr. Tanner, though Mother tried to set up an evening of cordiality with an extremely wealthy heiress of her recent acquaintance."

"Ugly?"

"Quite the contrary, but she had a laugh that sounded like a mule alternating with a hyena. Most distressing."

"You mean like this..." Vin stopped alternately braying and cackling as the others bombarded him with beer mats. "You know, Nathan asked to borrow that Flowbee. Didn't you--?".

"Good grief, is that the time. I really must be going. I have an important meeting tomorrow that requires great vigilance--"

"What meeting?" Chris frowned in confusion as Ezra quickly bid good night and rushed away. When he turned to Josiah, he noticed the big man was shrugging into his coat as fast as possible. "You got a meeting too, Josiah?"

"Spiritual observation."

"Spiritual what?" Chris asked but Josiah had already gone. He sighed and took another sip of beer, frowning as Vin started to look even better to his tired, drunken eyes.

"Perhaps we ought to call it a night too."

"Yeah."

They separated just outside the bar after wishing each other a good night.

****

Chris's eyes widened as Nathan took off the dark Fedora JD had bought him for Christmas, which Nathan had accepted graciously though with some dismay at the time, revealing a shiny pate where only the day before had been dark, tightly curled hair.

"What the hell happened to you!?"

Nathan ran a hand over his bald head and grinned sheepishly as he thought back to yesterday morning...

Rain had been frantic. They were going to that expensive dinner-dance and she had missed her appointment at her hairdressers because of an emergency at the hospital.

"I cannot go like this!" She held up hair that looked just fine to Nathan, maybe a little longer than usual, a little frizzier at the ends but... fine. However, she seemed distraught, combing her hair first one way and then another, and even reaching for the scissors. And that's when Nathan remembered the Flowbee Buck had given Vin for Christmas, and so he asked Vin if he could borrow it.

Vin had pointed him to Josiah, who had looked a little uneasy but had sent him on to Ezra. Ezra had turned a little gray, which Nathan had put down to him having thought no one would recall that he had it in his possession.

"Probably hoping to keep it and save on hairdressing bills," came Nathan's uncharitable thought, but within an hour he was back home and attaching the long hose to the vacuum cleaner.

"Ow!!" Rain cried out as her hair was sucked up the yellow contraption, pulling away sharply. SNIP. This went on for twenty minutes and Nathan had to admit that it was a shame they'd not bought a cleaner where you could adjust the suction power to something more tolerable for his wife. Still the job was done and Nathan stepped back to admire his handiwork -- and froze. It was uneven. All Rain's pulling away had altered the length of the cutting.

"Just need to even it up a little." He replaced the spacer with a smaller unit.

Another ten minutes past and Rain's lower lip was trembling, her dark almond eyes brimming with tears of both pain and despair.

"Stop! Stop!"

She clutched at her once lovely hair.

"I'll put a lower spacer on it and try again--"

"NO!! At this rate I'll be bald!!" She looked into the mirror and wailed, "What am I going to do? I cannot go, not like this."

"But Rain, you're presenting the efficiency awards and introducing the main sponsors--"

"Someone else will have to do it!"

"They can't, Rain." He looked around frantically, recalling something else from Christmas, a long and lurid orange and green silk scarf that JD had bought for Rain that she had thanked JD for then hid away. He held it up against Rain's beautiful green dress. Amazingly, it matched. Nathan picked it up and started to wrap it around his head as he looked pleadingly at Rain, and saw some of the fear leave her eyes though her lips still trembled.

"It _could_ work." He said, reminding her of the fashionable ethnic head wear worn by some of the models in her magazines.

She started to relax. "I'll need a brooch, or something to hold it in place but..." She nodded and sighed raggedly, realizing that it was her only option. "We'd best finish getting your hair cut too."

"Not with that!" Nathan pointed to the Flowbee with disgust and was grateful to hear his wife's shaky laugh. He handed her the clippers that he had used all over to tidy his hair but Rain would finish off the hard-to-reach back for him. He looked at his reflection in the mirror, hearing the buzz as she turned it on and make the first vertical stroke from the nape of his neck up towards the crown of his head. She froze, the clipper falling silent. Nathan narrowed his eyes in concern as they met horror-filled eyes in the mirror.

"You okay, Rain?"

"Ah... yes." She swallowed hard. "Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"You didn't put a comb on the clippers, Nathan."

He knew his expression was comical because he could see himself reflected in the mirror, and with shaking hands he reached for Rain's hand-held vanity mirror, angling it so he could see the back of his head. He gasped at the stripe of naked flesh.

"What do I do?!! What do I do?!!" She dropped the clippers to the floor in shock.

Nathan reached for them and for a number two comb which he fumbled with until he could get it placed. "Try and even it up."

It didn't work. Even a number one cut all over couldn't hide the stripe straight up the back of his head. There was no choice left. He moved slowly to the bathroom and brought back his shaving foam and a razor, handing them solemnly to his wife, and then with all the dignity he could muster, he sat back on his heels with tightened lips and closed his eyes as she shaved off every last hair.

His thoughts came back to the present and the ready-made excuse he had worked on all night. "Thought I'd try a Vin Diesel... action man... you know... the movie star?"

Chris nodded his head slowly, recalling all the fuss JD and Vin had made about several films starring Hollywood's latest -- BALD -- action hero. He took a deep breath and shrugged his shoulders. Who was he to comment on another man's taste? Nathan accepted all the remarks and stares with good humor, but then, Chris had to admit that the lack of hair did actually suit him.

"Well, gentlemen, enough chat. Let's get back to work."

The Flowbee was forgotten once more as the weeks past.

****

With the Easter break only days away, Chris noticed increased excitement in the youngest member of their team. "You got ants in your pants, JD?"

JD grinned. "I'm taking Casey to the premiere of the new Vin Diesel film for her birthday."

Buck rested one hip on JD's desk. "Is that what you call a date? Now, a woman wants soft lighting, romantic music and--"

"Casey's a modern girl, Buck. She likes action men with great one-liners and muscles, and Vin Diesel--"

"What is it with this Vin Diesel? First Nathan takes to looking like him, now you're extolling his... physical virtues?" Chris shook his head in dismay. "Hell, if she was my girl I'd be a little put out that she's going on about some muscled-bound Arnie clone rather than me."

"You got to problem with Arnie, Pard?"

"Hell, no. Man deserves all the recognition he can get, but Terminator wouldn't have been much without the other guy in it."

"Only saying that 'cause that other guy looks a mite like you," grinned Vin and was rewarded with Chris's best glare... one that had no effect on Vin whatsoever.

****

**Two days later.**

Chris watched as JD started whispering to Vin. Vin shook his head and indicated towards Josiah, and JD went across the office to sit on the corner of Josiah's desk. A strangely embarrassed expression crossed the normally unflappable man's face and he indicated towards Ezra. When JD started talking to Ezra the weirdest look came over their undercover man and Chris saw Ezra rake fingers through hair that was still far shorter than it used to be, though it was growing. Ezra must have said something that sent JD over to Nathan, and Chris felt his curiosity pique as Nathan looked both flustered and a little angry.

JD's expression turned earnest and Nathan relented. And that seemed to be the end of this little trip by JD around the office area. For some reason, Chris felt left out and felt a momentary urge to go ask Vin what was going on with their youngest team member, but then the phone rang, and the incident was forgotten.

****

The day after the premiere, JD walked into the office with the sort of smart haircut that Chris had been asking both him and Vin to get since they first joined the team. It looked great on JD even though it did make him appear even younger.

"How did the premiere go? Good film?"

"It was great, Chris!"

"Saw you on the local news," beamed Vin but then his smile faltered a little. "What the hell was Casey wearing on her head?"

JD gave an embarrassed half-laugh. "Just a hat I bought her last Christmas--"

"And she wore it?" Buck spoke without thinking, then laughed a little nervously at the insulted look on JD's puppy-dog face. "I'm sure she looked every inch a movie star in that... bright red... flapper hat."

"It's called a cloche," replied JD indignantly, "And it's very stylish these days, according to the lady at the mall--"

"Seemed such a waste to hide all those lovely, silken, brown curls underneath--"

"I got work to do, Buck."

Chris raised his eyebrows in surprise as JD stormed off and sulked miserably behind his PC. He sighed and went back inside his office, quickly immersing himself in his own work but later, when the others had taken an early lunch, Chris went across to the still sulking kid.

"You okay, JD?"

"Yeah... but Casey's mad at me."

"Anything serious?"

"Nah... but would you mind if I skipped out early to get her a making-up present?"

"Sure, you go ahead." Chris watched with concern as JD packed up his laptop and shrugged on his light jacket, his eyes following the dejected figure as JD shuffled down to the elevator. Silently, he wondered why Vin's mention of that weird hat had sent JD's spirits crashing but then dismissed it as the vagaries of youth.

****

JD slumped once the doors closed on the elevator, sighing heavily as he recalled his day with Casey. It had promised to be such fun, going to see a film he knew they'd both enjoy, though for slightly different reasons, although he hadn't been looking forward to the 'party' after. In contrast, Casey had been bubbling over with enthusiasm, hoping she would have a chance to meet and talk to her latest Hollywood heartthrob.

Trouble was, she felt JD looked a mess. Said he needed a haircut badly, and when she offered to get a pair of sharp scissors and cut it for him, JD had a better idea. One by one he'd gone round the office until he reached Nathan. Only now did he understand Nathan's reluctance to part with the contraption, though it wasn't *its* fault what happened next. No. The blame came down to him alone.

Casey had done a great job on his hair -- better than his last barber had -- and he actually felt good when he looked into the mirror at his new image. And then she'd asked him to do the same for her.

He'd sucked up the first handful of hair and SNIP, smiling as the strands flopped to the floor... until Casey screamed.

"I said six inches!"

"This is six inches."

"From the BOTTOM!"

JD looked down at the twelve inches of rich brown hair lying forlorn upon the carpet at his feet, then back at the six inches of hair left attached to Casey's head. His eyes widened to saucers as he realized what he had done. All those beautiful tresses that he loved to play with had gone... least, they'd all have to go now as there was this large chunk of nothing where soft curls should have lain.

"You've ruined it!"

"What's all this fuss, Girl," came a concerned voice from the doorway but as JD turned to face her, Nettie let out a cry, "Good Lord have mercy on us, Child. What have you done to your hair?"

"He ruined it. What am I going to do?"

Nettie had stared from Casey to JD, then to the yellow-headed contraption still grasped in JD's white-knuckled hand.

"Ain't nothing for it, Girl, but to finish what was started." She pried the Flowbee from JD's frozen grip and began to work over Casey, his heart breaking with every sob falling from her lips along with the hair from her head. By the time Nettie stood back, Casey looked more like a boy than a girl.

"There. It's the best I can do."

In truth, Nettie had done a great job with the Flowbee but nothing could compensate Casey for the six inch layers of straight hair where she had been expecting fashionable layers of curls cascading almost to her shoulders, offsetting the scarlet dress she'd bought especially for the occasion.

With only an hour to go before the start of the film, Nettie suggested the cloche. She pointed out that its skull-hugging shape would not annoy the people seated behind Casey in the theater, and yet it would give her back some of the femininity Casey felt she had lost along with her hair. JD thought it was a great idea, and Casey caved in reluctantly.

And so Casey wore the hat, and though its presence certainly got her noticed -- even by Vin Diesel -- she had still not forgiven JD for her severe hair cut.

JD wandered out of the ATF building and went in search of the perfect _please forgive me_ gift. And the Flowbee was forgotten once more as the weeks past.

****

Chris sighed at the procession of women passing through Buck Wilmington's life -- and bed. The 'Valentine Day' twins had long since been left behind as spring turned to summer but Chris had a suspicion that Buck's latest intended conquest was not the easy lay that Buck thought she might be.

Chris had lost count of the number of times he heard Buck on the phone trying to smooth-talk the lady into his bed. Offers of fine meals, theater tickets...

"I have two tickets for Swan Lake..."

 _Ballet!_ Chris thought in horror. Mary had tried to coerce him into taking her to the ballet only a few weeks ago, saying that her intended date had been forced to go out of town on business at the last moment. Fortunately, Ezra had stepped in to save him from a night of hell, though Mary didn't seem quite so keen on the offer.

"Be a cold day in hell before someone drags me to a ballet," he murmured to Vin, enjoying the chortle of agreement. He sipped at his lukewarm coffee, trying to make up his mind if he should zap it back to full heat in the microwave, or just go get a fresh mug.

"A... dog show?"

Chris and Vin glanced at each other questioningly as they overheard Buck's side of the conversation.

"Dog show?" whispered Vin. "She showing one or taking part?"

Chris spewed his coffee all over Vin's desk, desperately trying to draw breath as what was left went down the wrong tube and threatened to drown him. Vin was thumping him too hard on the back and Chris was grateful when Nathan took control instead.

"You okay there, Chris?"

Chris's tear-filled eyes looked into Nathan's dark, concerned ones and he nodded, huskily whispering his reassurances as Vin took Nathan's place in front of him.

"Hell, Cowboy. Didn't think you'd go choke on it," he grinned impishly, "But then, life can be a bitch."

Chris groaned and, gathering his tattered dignity around him like a shroud, he staggered back to his office amid the chortles from his team.

****

Three days later, Buck came in and slumped at his desk.

"Someone kill colored pet dog, Buck?" Vin chuckled at his joke but instead of retaliating Buck groaned loudly and lowered his head into his hands.

"She could have been the one, Vin."

"Who could have been the one?" Chris sat down on the corner of Vin's desk and stared at his oldest friend.

"Clarissa. Sweet... Sweet... Clarissa."

"Don't tell me she dumped you before you got any?" JD's astonished voice filled the hushed silence of the office. "I thought you was getting on real good?" JD frowned in sympathy, but then he let out a whoop. "Hey, that means you owe me ten bucks, Ezra."

Buck raised his head, perplexed. "You bet against me?"

"They were good odds--"

"Thought you was going to some big dog show or something?"

"Yeah... but it didn't quite turn out the way I was hoping"

Chris's thoughts turned inward to last night when Buck arrived at the bar halfway through the evening wanting to speak to Vin. He thought Buck was supposed to be helping his latest girlfriend out that evening with some dog, at least that was the excuse he gave for not attending their celebratory _case-wrapping_ party.

He couldn't hear the exchange over the loud music but was strangely unsurprised when he saw Vin point to Josiah. That same look of embarrassment crossed Josiah's face, as if he had a penance to fulfill but had forgotten all about it until that moment. Josiah pointed to Ezra, who had been challenged to a game of pool and was about to take a shot. The cue slipped, sending the wrong ball thundering into the pocket but Ezra didn't seem to either notice or care. With his face ashen, he pointed shakily towards Nathan. Nathan ran a hand though the soft tight curls that had regrown after he decided he didn't want to look like Vin Diesel after all, and he pointed across the bar to the jukebox. Chris shook his head, not needing to look across to know that it would be JD standing by the jukebox.

Sure enough, Buck strode over to JD and they talked for a moment. He saw JD's shoulders sag and then saw Buck nodding as JD issued what had to be directions of some kind. Buck passed close to Chris on his way to the exit, and Chris could not resist grabbing his arm, feeling a little left out again.

"What's going on, Buck?"

"Problem with a dog--"

"And you needed JD's help? Hell, don't think he ever had a pet rabbit let alone a dog."

Buck laughed affably, slapping Chris hard on the back, and then he was gone leaving Chris none the wiser. The sound of shouting and breaking glass drove away any further thoughts as the bar erupted into a brawl that he and the five remaining ATF agents quickly stopped.

Coming back to the present, Chris wondered if last night had anything to do with Buck's misery this morning, but for once he could get no answers from Buck.

They had finished tying up the final loose ends on an important bust yesterday so no one was actually needed in the office today but Chris waited until lunchtime before telling everyone to take the rest of the day off. He walked up to Buck who still sat morosely behind his desk.

"You want to beer? Vin and me are going over to Inez's. Welcome to join us."

"No. Just need a little time on my own right now. See you tomorrow, Chris."

Buck grinned warmly enough but Chris could see the sorrow in the blue eyes but knew Buck hated people prying as much as he did -- though he didn't make it so obvious. He decided to let Buck have the little time he'd asked for, but if he was still moping about tomorrow then Chris would insist of learning the problem.

He looked back once he and Vin reached the elevator, but Buck was still sitting in the same position.

"He gonna be all right?" asked Vin.

"You know Buck. He'll be back to his usual self the moment a new piece of skirt walks by."

****

Buck looked up and realized he was alone in the office. He sighed deeply as he thought of the sexy curves hidden beneath the clothing that had remained solidly attached to the woman of his dreams. No amount of sweet-talk or romantic gestures had loosened even the top button of her blouse until he started taking notice of that yapping, little dog that she cuddled and fussed over.

Long-haired Yorkshire Terrier. More like a long-haired rat. Still, if making a fuss over the little pest would get him under all those layers of clothing to the sweetness beneath then Buck would do it. And then came the night before the show. Clarissa had been all excited about showing _Pompadour Bouffant Selena Starshine_ \-- or Sellie for short -- until the little rat went and got itself caught up in the neighbors chicken wire while trying to hound the rabbits they bred. Sellie's coat was ragged and tangled beyond a simple combing, and the dog salon was closed until after the show.

That's when Buck recalled the joke gift he'd given to Vin last Christmas. The Flowbee. Exuding over-confidence, he let her know his plan, accepting her ardent kisses of appreciation as she called him her knight in shining armor, and then they headed for the bar where the others would be celebrating the end of the last case. He left her in the car while he went to speak with Vin.

Less than an hour later, in the apartment that he shared with JD, he wished he'd never heard of a Flowbee. That dog yelped every time the vacuum cleaner was switched on, struggling to get free of the large yellow contraption that sucked up her matted and tangled fur. Long-haired became short-haired at an alarming rate until Clarissa beat him with her small fists to let her baby alone. She gathered up the frightened creature, hissing at him when he tried to convince her to let him have another go at sorting out the mess he'd made. The poor thing looked even more like a rat now, with raggedly cut hair long in some parts, and almost nonexistent in other.

"Call me a cab... right now!"

She had stamped her feet, and Buck had felt terrible as he saw the mascara running in black rivulets down her pretty face. The poor little dog was shaking as much from cold as from fear and Buck had another idea. He rummaged through his bottom drawer for the terrible hat JD had given him last Christmas. Clarissa wouldn't let him anywhere near her poor little Sellie and he could only watch in dismay as she wrapped the deerstalker hat over the small back and tied the flaps up beneath. The cab arrived and then she was gone -- out of his life forever.

"Don't bother calling me," were her parting words.

Buck let his forehead drop to the surface of his desk but his head shot up as a warm, feminine voice drifted over him. Her elfin face and pert... assets... beckoned to him and Clarissa vanished from his mind as he began a smooth patter that had the newest office girl giggling.

The Flowbee was forgotten once more as the weeks past, until Buck found it just before Christmas.

****

Christmas Day came round far too fast for Chris's liking and, once again, the ranch became the venue for celebrating the holiday. He grinned, realizing that he actually enjoyed these occasions. These men were a family to him now, and their partners an extended family, though he was pleased Maude had turned down the invitation Ezra had been obliged to make.

Chris let his gaze wander around the happy faces of the people present. Josiah's deep baritone filled the air with a rendition of 'Away in a Manger', and Ezra joined in with him, running a hand through his thick chestnut curls of hair. Josiah's graying curls gave him an air of distinction, and Chris noticed that Nathan's had a touch of distinguishing gray too, though all looked far better *with* hair than without it.

JD's hair had grown a little shaggier but was still styled shorter that before, but it suited him that way, and both Casey and Rain had decided to grow their hair out again.

Chris had no idea what had possessed any of them to get their hair cut so short in the first place. He ran a hand through his own strands. Vin had cut his hair for him earlier, and with a steady hand and true eye -- as befitting a sharpshooter -- he'd done a great job.

"You finally get a hair cut, Chris?" Buck beamed at him, winking as if he believed there was some amorous reason for the sudden interest Chris had taken in his appearance.

"Well, it is Christmas, Buck."

"Can't figure out how you managed to get an appointment that late on Christmas Eve."

"Didn't." Chris took a sip of his whiskey, noticing that all the others had turned to listen in on the conversation when the word 'hair' was mentioned. "Vin did it."

"Vin cut colored hair?"

"Hell, no," Vin laughed as he thought of the joke gift that he'd rediscovered yesterday morning during a clear-out of the Den. "Damn Flowbee came in useful after all, Buck."

Chris and Vin exchanged alarmed looks as everyone in the room let out a groan of horror.

"What did I say?"

THE END

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Hair Today](https://archiveofourown.org/works/207380) by [Tarlan](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Tarlan/pseuds/Tarlan)




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